Mystic Experiences with Angelic Human Beings
God made me be single to devote all my time and my energy to give this message to the world to stop killing animals. Before finding a ‘Women of Light’, during many decades I searched for the woman love of my life, but could not find anyone, because I had a big problem: I liked physically very beautiful women, like my beautiful mother, and it was rather difficult for me to conquer a Romy Schneider, a Rita Hayworth, or a Grace Kelly!
I can count with the 10 fingers of my hands the women that I liked in my life and responded to my timid advances; they were all exceptional beautiful women of a love at first sight; however, I was a coward in matters of the Heart, and I did not dare ask them: what’s your name, do you want to marry me? Beautiful women were always my locus minoris resistentiae, impossible dreams, they were beautiful women who did not want to play with me when I wanted to play with them; there was a supernatural force that always blocked my wishes to come true; always some anti-synchronicity; the Lord wanted me all for Herself; there were strict orders from the Spiritual World that I should remain single; and the Blessed Virgin was watching over me: I remember what the Virgin of Banneux said during my first encounter with the Virgin: ‘cette source est réservé pour moi’ (this source is reserved for me). God wanted me Married to God and even gave me a Ring of Light! Actually She gave me several Rings of Light (Intro). The Lord wanted me Married to Her Sacred Animals! From the beginning I was reserved for the Sacred Animals! Freddy always used to sing in his Bohemian Rapsody: I’m such a poor boy nobody loves me; I also ended such a poor boy, and nobody loved me, and thus my written destiny left me alone, home alone, on my own, single with no children, to devote my Heart and Soul to the Sacred Animals! Below I describe some of my important close encounters with extraordinary beauties that I Miss You much, with a broken Heart; indeed, as genius Yes nicely sings: I am still Owner of a Broken Heart. I have also composed songs for the many women that broke my Heart! (Fous de Vous) (Rock para el amor perdido)
First Love at first sight
Before reaching the innocent age of 13, before my Soul became exposed to the evils of the human factor, my pure unadulterated Heart was pierced by the wrath of the arrows of Cupid. Suddenly I was exposed to this angel of flesh and blood that instantly became my love, my very first love at first sight, my first female mate love of my life. This Arrow of Cupid for another human Soul might have been true love for a spiritual mate since my hormones had yet not been triggered to search for a female date. Four decades after this first encounter of love at first sight I still remember every detail on how the arrow of passion pierced my physical heart, and my Spiritual Heart, without showing any compassion nor mercy to the emotional sanity of my Soulful Heart. Human beings had suddenly and without warning me thrown my innocent Soul into the cold waters of passionate fire, by seating me right next to ‘Little Angel Girl’, during a test, to enter a mixed school, containing this new element in my life called female. After many years in the boys-only school, I suddenly was no longer in male Mars, but was rather on Earth, with my vulnerable non-immunized chaste Soul exposed to a world with Venus. I surely was a genius at that early time of my life, for passing the exam, because I do not understand how on earth, I could concentrate my soul mind and brain, to answer any scholarly questions, while having this Angel of Heaven right next to me, requesting the attention of All my rational mind and the spiritual wisdom of my Soul and Heart. As I sat next to the Beautiful Little Angel, and looked at the awesome vision of this Divine Wonder Being, I was bewildered by this beautiful heavenly creature of Innocent Pure Beauty, with long brown golden hair, looking at me, with the most beautiful angelic wide open eyes, smiling at me, with this most adorable lovable lovely smile that melted my Heart into the Spirit Heart of her Divine Chaste Beauty. As I met the Soul of the Angel, through her beautiful eyes, I immediately turned my eyes away from the eyes of the Little Angel Girl, hiding my Soul into my own self autistic being, in self-defense, because I became scared to death to such a menacing Heavenly Being. My restless anxious heart pounded away the flight and fight hormones that I had released due to my fear of Little Angel Girl, who had become the immediate threat to my mental sanity and the stability I still had in my Spiritual Heart. How much I feared this most beautiful Smiling Little Girl of this most gorgeous awesome Divine Heavenly Beauty. God Heavenly Feeling of Pure Delight: if I could only freeze forever that moment of Divine Loving Sight! Here I was, next to the most beautiful adorable girl that I saw, and will ever see, in my life, knocking at my door, with the Smile of Heaven, inviting me to enter into this new Paradise of Beauty, to love and adore this Angel of Heaven of Child Mother Love of Pure Chaste Heavenly Beauty!
Forty years later I would learn that my heavenly neighbor of primary school was the daughter of a priest and thus I could see that Little Angel Girl had surely been well instructed in the art of the Angels. Today I still love that young child female angel, because the feeling of love that I experienced that yesterday, still lives with me today, to remember and cherish tomorrow the sweet memories of my own past pure innocent uncontaminated spiritual beauty. I never spoke a single word to my most beautiful heavenly classmate, during 2 full years, since I was scared to death to come into contact for a close encounter with this female beauty. This heavenly creature was the first Spirit to expose my Soul to that fear of pain for women that would haunt me for many decades to come, for my Soul knew that in the morrow, the female factor was to be a source of sorrow. I was ‘tortured’ by the beautiful presence of the Little Angel Girl during two years, until she suddenly was disappeared from my life, and into the history of this section. Little Angel Girl was replaced by a second love at first sight, which was eventually replaced by a third love at first sight, that was replaced by a fourth, and so forth, until the end was Come a Woman of Light (CW). Was there some any-one to come to have some fun under the sun to become one for one through a passion with Venus? Not one was come; it was the One to beCome who finally took me by the hand to make me understand that I was reserved for the Passion of Jesus!
PS: since I do not have a picture of the beautiful young girl of the school that was so important in my life, I show here pictures of my beautiful mother, when she was about 13 years old, to give the lector an idea of the beauty that illuminates my path, and show what it maybe like to encounter a love at first sight…
The Aura of Light of Madrecita
My mother always worried about me remaining single and suffer a lonely life. As I write this text I am 67 years old and I am still single, an inveterate bachelor. I had 3 girlfriends in my life: the first girlfriend lasted me 1 day: she dumped me when she thought that my life would have no significance; my second girlfriend lasted 1 week: she dumped me when she thought I would not become a rock and roll star; and the third girlfriend dumped me after 1 month, when she realized she was never going to become with me a millionaire. Come to think of it, maybe they were all ‘a little bit full of shit’. Over many years I had asked the Lord to stop his torture of leaving me alone, and send me some heavenly beauty, to console my anxious genes and the misfortune of my lonely Heart. One day the Lord had enough with my constant whining, and thus She sent me a girlfriend, a super duper most beautiful nordic American blue eyed blond beauty, much younger than me because I liked them much younger than me; thus she seemed a perfect fit for me. The beauty was 20 years old and I was 40 and met her in a pub at the University of California. She was a total beautiful beauty, prettier than the prettiest playmate that I had ever seen: she was all totally perfect, with a total perfect body, in all her measures (97-60-90); with a perfect height for me; with almost the perfect weight: she was 1 Kg overweight, but this extra kilogram made her even more beautiful; she had almost the perfect age: she was only 2 years too old for me; the skin was ivory white without a single pimple, like a divine white snow, indeed she was like beautiful Snow White, but blond without the dwarfs; she had this most beautiful angelic face of a young 17 year old, with long blond very blond hair, it was almost white hair; she had awesome big round deep blue turquoise eyes; impeccable perfect white teeth; her lips had a reddish color of scarlet love that induced passion in my heart; I could continue describing her awesome beautiful beauty ad infitum, or in eternum, because this makes me happy, but here I shall stand my ground, to no longer bore you; thus I shall summarize: she was a beautiful awesome blond very blonde blue turquoise eyed beauty, my ideal perfect beauty, a goddess appeared from some heaven, or from a fairy tale, an angel fallen from the sky; she seemed to be the most beautiful woman who could comfort all my genetic anxieties and console all the pains of my anguished lonely heart, during many lives; it was a love at first sight due to her extraordinary beauty. One hour after meeting her at a bar I invited her to come home with me to Punta del Este, 10.000 km away, to celebrate Christmas. I was surprised when she immediately accepted to come with me; it seemed a little strange, or rather very total strange, because I was a total stranger; taking her home was perhaps madness, but the passion of love at first sight made me loose all my rational thinking, and after several weird stunts of the magnificent beauty, which I shall not describe herein, in a few days we were in Punta del Este.
My mother was very happy when I told her I was bringing home a beautiful woman, maybe this woman would be my long-awaited girlfriend woman for the rest of my life. When we arrived home the first thing we did was to go see my mother in her bedroom, because she was sick in bed in her bedroom. As we entered the room and saw my mother, I was surprised to see that Madrecita was surrounded by a beautiful Aura of Light, that glowed all around her, with a Mystical Glowing Light that seemed not to be from this world! Indeed, a beautiful Mystic Light surrounded the Countenance of Madrecita, she looked like an Angel of Light, or a Saint with Light, because her head was surrounded by a Mystic Light that Irradiated from within her countenance, from Within her Soul, while she laid sick in bed in her bedroom! Madrecita just smiled at me, with her Mystic Light, and she listened what I said, and listened to the greetings of my new girl-friend beauty. Madrecita never said a word, except for the cordial first Hi; she only Smiled with Light during the 5 minutes we spent with Madrecita in her bedroom. Once we left her room, my girlfriend told me what she had seen, what I had also seen: Madrecita irradiated a Mystical Light from her face, as if she was an Angel of Heaven! We both saw the Mystic Light that was surrounding Madrecita, a Symbolic Mystic Light that surely was some Message of her Soul to my Soul that had something to do with my new girlfriend. Indeed, here I was with my 68 year-old mother, sick in bed, right next to the 20 year-old beauty that was 48 years younger than my mother; and it was very easy for me to realize who was the most beautiful of the two woman: the one that Irradiated Light and Love from within a Soul full of Beauty!
Something mystical and symbolic happened that day. We remember all the details of the most transcendental moments of our lives, and as I write this today, 28 years later, I remember the image of the Countenance of Light on the face of my smiling mother, that was sick waiting for me in her bed; she looked like a true Angel with Light that was watching us, analyzing with her mystic Aura of Light who was the pretty woman that her beloved single son had brought to her home, maybe to be the wife of his life? Next day my mother recovered from her strange ‘disease’ and we had a great time during the two week stay in Punta del Este. One night I had the most pleasant physical experience of my life with my beautiful American Nordic Blue Eyed Blond Beauty; it seemed that the ‘cruel lord’ wanted to show me all what I was missing in the male-female relationship! Quickly in 2 days my mother realized that the great beauty was not for me, and she was bloody well right, like the nice song sings, because quickly I would recognize that the outer beauty of this angel did not match to the inner beauty of a True Angel; moreover, sometimes she seemed to be more of an incarnation of the devil, she was a little crazy, and mistreated me much; in 1 week I lost my patience and had to send her back home to California! Elvis was right when he sang in his famous song: ‘you look like an angel, but you are the devil in disguise’; the great physical beauty did not turn out to be the Angel that I needed to care for my Soul. Pictures were taken the week I spent with my beautiful ex-girlfriend that I still miss you much: two with my ex 20-year-old blond beauty that lasted me 1 week, and one of my 68 year-old mother that lasted me a Lifetime!
Little Angel Girl with her Pebble Stones of Heaven
My third and last girlfriend had dumped me after a brief 1 month relationship when the ‘material girl’ that was not ‘like a virgin’ realized I would never make her a millionaire. This reprehensible behavior of material human factor, in someone I thought was a true love, and a best friend, triggered the release of chemicals in my brain that made very sick with the disease of depression. A chronic secretion of ‘depresines’ flooded my brain insane that intoxicated my whole body into a moody black hole to make me suffer dark hours of a depression. Although I was on vacation during Christmas in one of the most beautiful beach resorts in the world, with many beautiful women in the beach, visiting family and best friends, my stupid melancholy was present with me everywhere, at all times, spoiling every moment of a miserable period in my life in the darkness of a chemical depression. I was sick with the blues of depression and no blue sky, beautiful women, sports in the beach, family love, or any other beautiful thing, could bring me back to my senses, to the normal reality of at least a standard contented normal family life.
One afternoon I was lying on the beach on the sand under the sun, alone on my own, doing nothing but think and indulge in my ‘useless’ depression. Suddenly out of the blues appeared a beautiful ‘little girl’, about 4 years old, standing right in front of me, looking at me, straight into my eyes, with her gorgeous little beautiful happy smiling eyes. I wondered from where the little girl had come from, since other visitors of the beach, where her parents might have been, where 50-100 meters away. I still remember the beautiful and lovely ‘little girl’, with goldy-lock hairs, and tender blue eyes, that looked at me, as if knowing I needed to be pampered by the Love of an Angel to console my suffering Heart. I was surprised to see when little Golden Angel Girl placed on the sand next to me a small assortment of pebble beach stones. After leaving the pebble stones on the sand the beautiful little girl left, while I remained lying in the sand, still depressed, indulging in my ugly depression. Soon I was surprised again by the sudden Apparition of the little Golden Angel Girl that came back with more pebble stones! Little Golden Angel Girl left for me on the sand her Gift of Love of the little pebble stones and quickly disappeared again, leaving me lying alone, with her gift of her Pebble Stones of Heaven. My Heart was still broken by the terrible depression and it seemed that my Spirits could not be lifted not even by the Pebble Stones of Little Angel Girl of Heaven. Soon the Golden Angel Girl returned a third time, with more Pebble Stones, to try console my Spirit and feed my Heart with Love with her little Pebble Stones of Heaven! Little Golden Angel Girl caressed my Soul with the Love of her Spirit trying to bring me out from my miserable depression with the Gift of Love with Pebble Stones of Heaven! Little Angel Girl left her Pebble Stones on the sand and then disappeared from my sight, and never again did I see my Little Angel Girl of Heaven!
During the Apparition of Little Angel Girl I had not paid appropriate attention to this Miracle of Love, because at that time, I was yet not Enlightened by the Miracles of God that I would see a few years later; in addition, my mind was so numbed by the chemicals of depression that I could not appreciate the Gifts of Love brought by my Adorable Lovely Little Angel Girl. Today I cry thousand Tears of Emotion as I write this section and realize that I did not take back home All the Little Pebble Stones that were left for me by this Adorable Little Angel Girl of Heaven! Little Angel Girl had suddenly appeared from nowhere, and without ever saying a word she disappeared into the nowhere from whence she had come from, but leaving for me this everlasting memory of her Miracle Angelic Presence with her Love Spirit of Heaven!
The Apparition of Little Golden Angel Girl with her Gift of Love of the Little Pebble Stones was a true Manifestation of God. I believe that Golden Angel Girl might have been the Materialization of an Angel of Heaven! Little Angel Girl was either a true Angel of God disguised as a little girl, or was a Human Little Girl disguised as an Angel of Heaven! Either way my Little Golden Angel Girl was a true Incarnation of the Holy Spirit, sent by the Lord, to console my depression with her Pebble Stones of Heaven! Since the Apparition of Little Angel Girl I lost that depression, but I will never loose in my Heart the loving memory of love for my Lovely Little Angel Girl. How much I now want to love and kiss and hug my little Angel Girl of Heaven! I now realize that the little Golden Angel Girl was the sweetest Gift of Heaven, the most loving tender Messenger of God, the most adorable sweetest Spirit of Love that was Manifest to my Spirit, to console the pain of my Heart during this bout with depression! God of my Love: please send me your Little Angel Girl of the Pebble Stones of Heaven, so I may give back All of my Love to Your Little Angel Girl of Heaven!
Little Pretty Baby with the Smile of Heaven
I was sitting on a side walk of a street in the center of Nijmegen, writing down in my yellow note pad the remarkable Mystic Encounter I had experienced two hours earlier, with the Apparition of the Heart of Light with Our Lady of Nijmegen. My Spirit had been Embraced by the Spirit of the Heart of Light and I was in a sensitized Trance-like State, induced by the Mystic Encounter with the Heart of my Lady.
Many interesting characters were walking down the street, interrupting now and then my autistic writing, absorbed in my Inner World, as I described my Encounter with the Light of the Blessed Virgin. A beautiful 8 year-old girl, dressed-up in a colorful carnival costume, with her beautiful face embellished in beautiful make-up, came close to me, dancing for me, showing me her talents and remarkable beauty. These beautiful Dutch carnival children with their make-up and costumes were the most beautiful vision that this special land of my forefathers had to offer, for even the most attractive colorful birds, in all their splendor, could not match the beauty of these beautiful children of the Beautiful God. Lovely old ladies strolled down the street, in their slow peaceful pace, pushing their carts to purchase fresh produce in the market. A handsome man with two beautiful dogs jogged down the street, and the elegant women in their fashion clothes walking past me further embellished the environment, to inspire me to describe my Close Encounter with my Lady. There was however also the ugly, the nasty, and mean human factor, that contaminated the beautiful scene, to remind me that I was still not in Heaven, but rather in the material cruel sometimes ugly world. A smoking punk with his noisy vicious motorcycle, riding on the sidewalk of the pedestrian street, violated not only the laws of the city, but also the health of my ears. The pot smoking freaks with their blue, purple and green stained hair, accompanied their girl-friends made ugly with their human inflicted body holes, with rings piercing through their noses, tongues and lips, and maybe other intimate parts of their bodies. All these cast of characters of the street gave quite an interesting contrast of the nice and the mean, the pretty and the ugly, the good and the bad, to inspire my thoughts with María and the Angels of God.
I was writing my 35th page of my yellow note pad, and was almost done describing my Vision of the Sacred Heart, when suddenly, I was interrupted by the apparition of a cute little baby, sitting next to me, right in front of me, looking at me straight in the eyes. A young mother with her baby in a carriage had stopped for a moment, right in front of me, and this gave the cute little baby the opportunity to examine me, all of me, with his penetrating look that analyzed the deepest confines of my Soul. The baby was not shy, and kept looking into my Soul, through my eyes which are the windows to the Soul. I responded to the call of the curious pretty baby, fixing my own eyes on the big wide-opened eyes of Little Pretty Baby. I do not have experience with babies, but I felt that Little Pretty Baby was male, and that he was not very much older than 1 year of age. Little Pretty Baby locked his eyes onto mine, and would not let go, while assessing my Spirit, and thus I obeyed his request for the complete attention of my Heart. My curious little guest was looking at me quite serious, and I was also rather serious, for I was still immersed in my thoughts writing about my Vision with a Heart of Light of the Blessed Virgin. The penetrating look of Little Pretty Baby was almost intimidating, but as his carriage began to move away from me, I smiled at the Serious Pretty Baby. I was delighted to see that the Serious Pretty Baby responded to my smile, turning his head around from within his moving carriage, to inspect my inviting friendly smile. Little Pretty Baby was still serious while looking at me, but I insisted to seek his smile, increasing the intensity of my happy friendly smile. When Little Pretty Baby was about 3 meters away from me, he slowly began to give me this sweetest shy baby smile that melted my Heart away. I responded to the shy smile of Pretty Baby with even a bigger happy smile, and quickly Little Pretty Baby responded to my bigger happy smile with a very Big Happy Smile! A great feeling of pleasure invaded my body and my Soul, as I realized the great attention I was receiving from Smiling Pretty Baby, moving slowly away in his carriage, with his head all turned around, and looking at me, while locking his adorable lovely smile on mine! Smiling Pretty Baby was now about 7 meters away from me, looking at my smile, with such a big happy smile, that now he had become Laughing Pretty Baby! The mother did not realize anything of what was at hand, and kept walking away into the crowds, carrying her lovely Laughing Pretty Baby looking at the smile of my Heart. When Happy Pretty Baby was about 10 meters away, I began to wave my hand at Happy Pretty Baby with a happy ‘greeting of goodbye’. The passing crowds were slowly interfering with our smiling eye contact, but with half of his body reclining out from his carriage, to look at me, through the crowds, the Happy Pretty Baby kept his Smiling Eye Contact with me, for our loving farewell greeting of goodbye! As I edit this text, 6 years after my Close Encounter with Little Pretty Baby, I still remember every detail of his adorable smile, and I burst into tears of emotion. Before loosing Little Pretty Baby in the crowds, I increased further the intensity of my waving loving hands, and quickly I became exhilarated, as I saw the little hands of my Lovely Pretty Baby waving back at me, with the friendliest loving Greeting of a Goodbye! Waving Pretty Baby was now about 15 meters away from me, and was still smiling at me, and waving his hand at me, with his Lovely Greeting of Goodbye! Then I lost the sight of my Little Pretty Baby within the multitude of the pedestrian crowd. My Heart was beating to the sound of joy, for this was to me the sweet Gift of God, a Little Pretty Baby that had given me the Grace of Love with the Heart of the Angels of God! The Vision of the Sacred Heart of Light with Our Lady of Nijmegen had been overwhelming, and now I had been caressed by this Angel of God, in Angel Pretty Baby, in what seemed another material Angelic Incarnation of the Holy Spirit of God!
After recovering from my Close Encounter with Little Pretty Baby I continued writing, describing my Mystic Experience in the Chapel of the Blessed Virgin with the Heart of Light of God. About 20 minutes had passed, and I was still sitting in the same place, in the sidewalk of the street, but now I was writing a few words about my lovely encounter with Little Pretty Baby with the Smile of God. Suddenly, and to my greatest delightful surprise, I see this ‘Angel of God’, in front of me, less than 50 cm away from me, I must repeat, 50 centimeters away from me, talking to me sweet things, telling me things in a language I did not understand, in a language that seemed a language of the Angels of God! This ‘Angel with God’, who was right in front of me, talking to me, telling me sweet things I did not understand, was the Messenger of God of this Angelic Encounter with the Holy Spirit of the Lord! The ‘Angel of God’ that was in front of me, talking to me, telling me sweet things, I did not understand, the Messenger of God of the ‘Angelic Encounter’, was no other than Little Pretty Baby with the Smile of Love!
I was writing about my Mystical Encounter with Little Pretty Baby, when suddenly Little Pretty Baby was materialized in front of my eyes! Through the Forces of Synchronicity ascribed to the Spiritual World, the mother of Little Pretty Baby had walked around the full block, and stopped with Little Pretty Baby in his carriage, right in front of me, on this position Chosen by God! Little Pretty Baby interrupted my writing on Little Pretty Baby, by talking to me and telling me things I did not understand! While Little Pretty Baby was telling me sweet things I did not understand, the mother soon realized my presence and asked me if she could borrow for a second my pen to write down a number she did not want to forget. This was a Synchronicity of God, arranged by Angels of God, to suddenly have Little Pretty Baby interrupting my writing on my Spirit Experience with Little Pretty Baby, that minutes earlier had given me this wonderful Close Encounter of a Gift of Love! It seemed that not only Little Pretty Baby, but also the mother of the baby, had become a Target Incarnation of Angelic Intervention, to come up to me, with her baby, that had become a Messenger of God! It is the Holy Spirit of God that becomes Manifest in the Spirit and minds of human beings, especially in little children, that inspire thoughts and decisions for the purpose of a goal and as a Gift of Love for the Soul! How sweet this Gift was for my Soul, to become a Target of Love of a Baby of God in Little Pretty Baby of my Heart!
I talked for a few minutes to the mother of Little Pretty Baby, who was no longer talking to me, but rather was listening to my comments and questions I exchanged with his mother. I inquired about the age and sex of Little Pretty Baby, and the mother confirmed that he was a male and a little over 1 year of age. I told the mother that her little pretty baby was to become some day part of a book about the stories of Angels. After a few minutes, talking with the mother, the Little Pretty Baby got bored of our conversation, and soon started to complain, and show his impatience in a most convincing way, which was screaming unintelligible words to the mother of Screaming Little Baby! This time I understood perfectly well what Screaming Pretty Baby was telling to his mother, and this was to move his carriage, and his life, to his next experience, and target of his Adorable Soul! The mother of the Little Pretty Baby immediately obeyed the orders of Screaming Little Baby, and soon I was left alone, elated in my Heart, with the Spiritual Encounter, with this Angel Pretty Baby, with the Smile of the Love of God!
The screaming baby part I would rather leave to the care of the mother, but the Smiling Part with Little Pretty Baby was a most wonderful memorable Gift of God! Indeed, as I edit the text herein, I shed tears of emotion as I remember the blessing that I had received through this little pretty Angel Incarnation of God! I enclose herein a picture of a nephew of mine, that I had saved in my family photo album, almost 15 years ago, a baby that is making a point, like my Little Pretty Baby. The picture was taken by the father, my brother, and my comment in the photo album was quite appropriate, for the baby is indeed making a point in one of his first public appearance, ten years before the ‘Apparition’ of Little Pretty Baby. I took a picture of the picture of my brother, and this was thus manifest as a Mystical Picture, with a Beautiful Light I do not know from whence it is coming from, and must be a Manifestation of the Angel. One Angel of God opens a Spiritual Door to see another Messenger of God, that leads you to see another Angel of God that opens Spiritual Doors to other Messengers of God of the many Angels of God that lead you to the Heart of the Holy Spirit of God of my Love!
The morning after the one night stand
I was sad in a depressive mood for I had been alone on my own for too long a long time alone I was lonely home alone. I was single lonely and what I wanted was a lovely wife, a companion in my life, to share the joy in the good times and be soothed in the bad times; but alone I was, in the good times and the bad times, suffering many times a broken Heart with the female human factor. I was aware of the problems that a relationship could bring, and could see the advantages of a bachelor life, but I was certain that what I wanted in my life was the companionship of a loving wife. Not only my Heart but also my hormones and genes could no longer stand the lonely days and the lonely nights that made me sad, feeling bad, even mad, and thus I was in search for the elusive female wife for my life. I was more than ready to have a relationship of love and this is what I prayed to the Lord God.
The weekend had been tough because I had been exposed to the beauty of too many beautiful beauties I did not have nor could have. However, that Saturday night the Holy Spirit took pity of me and sent me a very special someone, to sleep with me in my bedroom, that I may have physical and spiritual pleasure with this special companion that the Lord sent me for one night for the pleasure enjoyment of my broken Heart. That special Saturday night I was visited by this beautiful guest that stayed overnight, sleeping with me in my bedroom! After many years of being alone I finally I had someone of flesh and blood sharing the intimacy of my bedroom. It was a mystic experience to see hear and feel the closeness of my new companion mate that had become for that night my interesting date even though this mate was to be only a one night stand. I felt wonderful in Heaven as I shared my bedroom with someone of flesh and blood because it had been many years with all those tears since I had a physical contact with someone in my bedroom to soothe the anxieties of my Spirit with a broken Heart. At last I had a Spiritual Soul in flesh and blood caressing my Soul with a Heart of Love even if my lovely guest was a one night stand. Thus I felt a bit in Heaven with the Spirit of Love of this wonderful Gift of God of this my special flesh and blood one night stand.
Early next morning, without becoming aware of when and how, my one night stand was suddenly gone. My new companion had left me in a hurry without giving me notice of a love good-bye. I became sad that my companion had left me so quickly and silently that I did not even noticed the time of her departure. My guest of the night of the one night stand that had given me much love had suddenly left me alone without saying a word to my now broken Heart. Thus, the high of the night was followed by a low in the morning, to become ‘the morning after’ of my ‘one night stand’.
There is always a price to pay for a little joy in life and my one night stand was not to be an exception. Soon I was not only a little sad, but also a little bit displeased, when I discovered that my one night stand had left a dirty mess in my bedroom before leaving my apartment. The mess was such a dirty mess that it took me half an hour to clean up the mess left by my guest that appeared not to know the way and find the toilet of my bathroom! My wild guest appeared to be in such a rush to discharge its biological necessities that she decided to go for the poop, right there, in situ, on my carpet! Loving lector of little faith, do you not believeth what I say herein what I say herein about my companion visitor of heaven of the high of my one night stand and this low of my morning after? My one night stand was a lovely wild pigeon that slept with me in my bedroom! A Bird with the Word with the Spirit of God had come into my bedroom, to sleep with me over night, one meter away from my bed, to soothe my Spirit with Holy Spirit of the Peace and Love in my Heart! Without giving me notice of the poop on my carpet, my companion pigeon friend disappeared early in the morning, flying out from my bedroom through the open window, to become the morning after of my wonderful one night stand!
The wild pigeon had landed the previous evening on the veranda of my apartment, and after looking at the aura of my Soul she quickly concluded I was safe and thus she flew through the open window into my bedroom, to sleep with me, perched on the open door of the bedroom in my apartment. In the morning, while I was half in my sleep, the pigeon left me flying out from my apartment. I felt honored to have the wild bird trusting me and sleeping with me in my bedroom, but did not forecast the material poop mess that the pigeon would leave on my carpet. At the time of this experience I still was more aware of Mother Nature than in the Spiritual Mother, but soon things started to roll with the rock and roll of my music PanGaia, and quickly was Come my Lady and my Lord with Manifestations of God. This was a Bird with the Word that was Incarnate with Holy Spirit with the Good News of the Mystic Experiences with many Creatures of God that soon became Manifest in my Life to dedicate my Soul to eradicate the suffering of Sacred Animals!
Bird with the Word my little Incarnation of God: give me the Peace of your Love, that I may become a Messenger of God, like an Angel of the Lord! Holy Spirit God of my Love, send me Your Little Angels of my Love, that I may see, hear and feel, the Holy Spirit of the Creatures of Love! Holy Angel of my Love, come into my Soul, that I may be loved by every Creature of the Lord, that I may show the Soul of God that is in every Holy Creature of Mother Planet Earth!
Correspondence with God
Going through my old diary that I had written 3 decades ago I came upon interesting text including my correspondence with God that I decided to present herein to show the status of my thoughts and my relationship with God before I started to have Mystic Experiences with the Spiritual World. The important frustrations in my life in the 90s were the lack of success in my music project, the absence of a female partner, the suffering of undiagnosed physical illnesses, and the realization that I was no longer happy with my scientific career, knowing that my Soul was brought to this world for another purpose, which was using all my many talents to eradicate the suffering of animals. Below excerpts of my correspondence with God from my old diary:
Lord of my Love, how come you have not yet come, to help me become, to do what I have to do, to fulfill the goal of my Soul in this suffering world. Help me God to be fruitful, to bring about the good fruits of the Lord. Help me help You. Help! Patience, dear little Robert, be patient; you haven’t yet heard My Word. But Lord, behold, even if I am told, I cannot longer hold, and I am becoming old; it is my health that’s not my wealth, it is the weakness of my strength; come to beCome my Health and my Wealth, to heal my broken Heart.
I have had too many disappointments in my life, not even one wife: why don’t you bring some appointments? I am sick and thus I am not happy; being not happy makes me sick, which makes me not happy, which makes me sick unhappy. Come into my body, to want somebody, feed my Soul to make me whole, to bring me my health that is my wealth in the Heart of your Spiritual Soul. We are still not communicating very well, thus I am a little in Hell; you are not answering my prayers to live under your Spell. I have not cried again for I am scared of getting sick again. I will not cry again, and get sick, for I have been very sick, and I am sick again. I do not need your additional sickness to be sick again. Forgive me if I have sinned against my body, and against somebody; poor fellow human creatures, and all little creatures that are innocent in your suffering pain; console our Suffering Hearts our Lord Love of the Sacred Heart.
My prayers have not been answered; you appear now and then with these physical peak experiences, they feel good, I feel good, but I don’t understand what you Say in my Heart. Why are you Why? No response, none, not one, whatsoever. Where is my music? Where is my woman? I do not ask for the riches of the world, only simple things to fulfill the simple desires of my Heart. I am sad and I am mad and thus I feel bad. Should I try the hedonistic approach of life of only pleasures in life? Maybe the French King was right in his après moi le déluge approach: the world is going down anyway, so let’s grab as much as we can, and have a big party. Maybe I should just indulge in the pleasures of sex, rock and roll, drugs, alcohol, lots of food, and live on eternal vacations? Am I forgetting anything? Don’t forget your song Living in excess or Straight is the Trait; I’m down, I’m really down, under the ground; as for me, the world can go all to hell; a big virus explosion would do quite nicely.
Never say never but sometimes it might be better to say never in order to find another ever. Maybe I should just pack my bags and leave this dream to find a another Dream in another World. The lack of my dream makes me sick. Maybe you do not interfere in human affairs. Is my music only for your ears? Help me understand or else I will leave your cruel suffering land. Answer me today, not tomorrow, for I need to leave my sorrow. Today I do not want to talk about anything because life is only an endless end of endings with no beginnings. There is this pretty girl at work; I like her a lot, but her name I forgot, I do not care to say anything to her, because if I say something nothing will happen, and if I say anything, nothing will happen anyway; so why do something, if nothing is already there? Why do you want me all single? You know that your hormones won’t leave me alone to live alone with a lonely Heart. You know that I am not strong in matters of the heart; thus: don’t break my Heart. Now I want everything, what I want, I want I want! Everything and Now! Robert, I Want you. Do I have to live a full life to die and then learn? Why are you stubborn? Am I so stubborn? I prove it does not improve, so why not get over with it, and find a new reality in some other realm of another Spiritual World? Remove me from my mediocrity and I shall seek you in other realms of the Spiritual World. Find Me, I Am always within thee, my little Bobby boy, Love in my Heart.
I am alone and I am not happy, because I carry myself. I still have some faith and you have not yet crucified me. Such so many people suffering much pain. Why don’t you stop everything so those in pain will not have to suffer more pain? Why do innocents have to suffer pain? So that the evil guilty may enjoy? Why do the bad guys enjoy and the good guys suffer? Suffer for me for I suffer for you. There is no justice in this world; do you have another world? With more Justice for All? Let me move into anther world with Justice for All. Those that enjoy this one, can keep this one, I just don’t care anymore.
You are making me loose my faith in you; why don’t you come and tell me you do not exist? Do not blame humans, we are only human, You are God. If you do not like how we are, then change us, or remove us from your world. I am sick of being sick. Why do you make me sick? Do you make me sick so that others may be healthy? Do you make me sad so that others may be glad? Why is everything so unfair? Is it all just only strictly business? Or only a chemical reaction? Why should I write nice to you, if you are not nice to me? It has been years of suffering with much pain in my Heart; it seems the end of an ending is near, and I really do not fear. Hear my dear, Jesus is here. You are running out of time. I AM Time, All is Mine, in my right time, I shall Repay.
I am not as angry today as I was yesterday but I am still very angry. My anger hurts my liver and my heart. It seems I am having problems with my liver. Might it be an hepatic carcinoma? Or a cancer in my brain? Is it another stuck stone in my gall bladder? Please, no more operations and hospitals! I will have to do some tests. Do you plan to take me to the hospital to produce me additional pains? I shall keep fighting for my health even if I don’t find wealth until my death does me depart. Alone I am in my fight against the evil knocking at my door. It’s not going to be easy to take me out to be put away. If God is against me, who can be for me? Robert Bobby boy, you are quite angry today. I have a reason, it’s called resentment that destroys the Spirit of the Heart; resentment against everything because everything is against me, I feed everything against me, to destroy the Soul of my Heart. Patience my child, I Am at your side; I Am with you, and you are within Me, beloved little Child of my Heart.
Is my pain your pain? My suffering your suffering? My pleasure your pleasure? What pleasure would I give to you if I had the female love of my Heart? Women who are not loved by men, I shall sing for them, and make them happy, they shall release tears of joy. I will sing for the sick and the weak, to make them happy full of joy. I have received no reactions for your evergreen music, from no one; I am still writing letters to You, but I do not know for how long; if you do not write back, I will stop writing to you. Not a single record company has shown interest in any of your songs. No more Christian lyrics until further notice ma Lord. It has played and is playing against me, to leave me with nothing in this world. Patience my child, you will sing the Songs of my Heart.
I am sick and tired about the female ordeal. You are not sending me anything nothing forever whatsoever. You are against it and I shall have no more. I will become a rock and roll star and then I will go shopping for some nice pretty female girls. I will buy something very expensive and very pretty, and thus I’ll have lots of fun with the material girl that’s not like a virgin. Who said that money can’t buy you love? I’ll keep on keeping on. Its not fair that you won’t dare my Lord. Why do you make this world so unfair? Is not love what you created, and what you want, and what you are? Don’t you want your children to love and be loved? What crime have I committed to deserve this suffering fate? I realize I am now too late. I think I will compose Why. I need to ask you Why. Why are you Why? Don’t loose me, cause I don’t want to get lost. Wake me up when it’s all over. Why are you why the way you are? Because it is there? Help me see what I need to see, to say what I ought to say, and hear what I have to hear. Leave the past to the past by letting the dead bury the dead. Robert my dear: trust your future.
Insomnia woke me up; I suffer and hate insomnia; she is getting on my nerves; or are my nerves getting me insomnia? My health has been very poor. My stomach and my intestines and my liver are all very angry with me, all the time, because You are not there, caring for me. They do not like what my mind is thinking. Please mind, calm me down, everything is fine; do not make your body sick, you need your body to love somebody; soothe it, love it, care for it, because it is the only one you have. Forgive me Lord for I have sinned against my body and against the Body of my Heart.
I have been and I am sick again. I have been in the hospital for all kinds of tortures. They removed biopsies from my stomach, my duodenum and my colon; they are now analyzing a polyp that I presume will be benign. Don’t worry, be happy, you will be fine. I have not been able to convince my body that everything is fine. My weight is down to 69. Still I have to go down another 1 Kg to be as slim as Mick to be prepared for the rock and roll concerts. Mick is still in advantage, because he is 50 and thus I have 8 more years to catch up, or rather catch down, with my weight, to be in shape for the rock and roll concerts. I have become lactose intolerant, and that means no more chocolate. Is life worth living without cookies and chocolate? Are you also going to take away sex out from my life? (Indeed, many years later, as I edit this text, I have been celibate now for 23 years!). As John used to sing: ‘What have I done to deserve such a fate, I realize I have left it too late’. Maybe I should write my memoirs and use as a title the song of John: ‘I’m a looser’ for indeed I am another poor looser. I am showing the first signs of maturity, physical that is, but I decided not to age anymore, I will only allow my hairs (the ones I still have) to turn gray, the color of wisdom. Although I could write a whole chapter on my visit to the hospital, I shall not describe the wrath of the scalpel, the horrendous anesthesia, the awful pain, the nightmarish human-induced urinary tract infection, and the rest of the works of painful suffering of the inhuman kind. As I write today my diary, I still have to overcome a crazy 10-day diazepan resistant insomnia that made me crazy (PS: such a thing killed Michael Jackson). However, I did beat Mick, I am down at 66 kg and thus I am ready for the rock and roll concerts.
I am no longer interested in being president at work, or president of the country, now I am interested in being president of the world. What does the cruel future hold? I wish I could rewind fast forward. Life is full of dull. I am always sick and my depression is getting worse. People make me sick and I am becoming alienated from all them nasty human beings with no love. I always adore the animals in the wild, cows love me and kiss me and the birds always come to me with their music. I have seen some doctors. Where is the doctor? I am a doctor. Now I need to be a musician. Do it because you were also made a musician to sing songs for the animals of the Lord.
Birds of same feather gather together; have I found my way back home? Where the Heart is? I am working on this dutch 21-year old awesome beauty. She is playing hard to get; she seems to be too expensive for me. I think I will dump her anyway, because she is too old, I mean too young, for the intelligence of my Soul. Selection is strong but maybe there is still some hope for my anxious genes that constantly scream, for all they have not seen, nor ever will see, forever no more anymore. I am only scared that You will want me All for Yourself. But it is this hormone thing, like a wild thing, that makes my heart sing, that does not allow me to feast as a priest, without the beast, in the Heart of my Love. She is an angel and an Angel is what I want, and I want, I want! Do you understand? You do already have my Angel I want for you. It seems it’s time to set this other human angel free. I will put them females on ice for a while; looks like at last, at least for a while, I have freed myself from them females. Why Lord do you send me an angel that is not meant for me? She was like an Angel come from Heaven that came to show me my Paradise Lost that I could never have. Why do you torture me showing me Heaven without letting me in? Lord do not forsake me, deliver me once and for all and give me this beauty of beauties that I love and want for the Love of my Heart. Commit Yourself to me and I shall commit myself to You. Invest in me and I will invest in You. Believe in Me and I shall believe in you.
Angels of my Heart, where art thou in my Heart? I know that thou art, so why not be part of my art and my Heart? Come, don’t break my Heart. I am sick again. Again? Yes, I have a headache, my stomach hurts and my digestion is a mess, I might have ulcers again; my allergies are killing me and I am dead worried about my health that never has been my wealth and the strength of my Heart. Do something Lord, heal my body, make me strong in matters of the Heart. Listen what I say through your body: to heal your body beCome Vegetarian to beCome a true Messenger of God. I am having many mystic experiences with beloved Mother Nature. Loving Mother Gaia is always loving good to me; she loves me much very much. What else can I say? There is no more much to say. I need some excitement in my life. Be patient and not a patient. I want all everything now! Come into my dreams and make my dreams come true. Let me fly again, to see the Angels of Heaven. A few days ago I saw in my dream a Being of Light, flying above me, with beautiful wings, like a Bird with the Word, with wonderful colors of a rainbow. After this New Year I will be ready for new action. Maybe in New Year I will be a little naughty my Lord. Do not abandon me if I abandon You for a little while. You are the Lord, I am only human. Help me face the faith to see the Face of God to make me a Messenger of Love. I wait for the Lord. I Am with you always, until the end of times (1994-1997).
Post-scriptum: in November 1997, I went to the Sanctuary of Apparitions of Our Lady of Banneux, and saw the Lady of Light; and a Tear of Sadness was Manifest on the statue of Notre Dame de Banneux that changed my life, to find Angels of Light with their Message of God to save the Sacred Animals that much I Love in my Heart.